Ezmé Luna. My sweet, sassy, lovely girl. You are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. The day you were born, I was reborn as a better version of myself. You've taught me how to love unconditionally, how to push through when I want to give up, and how to slow down and appreciate every little moment.
A year ago today, your daddy and I went for our evening walk and I started to feel a little funny. At first I thought I had a cramp from walking, but I soon realized that we would probably be meeting you sooner than your due date. We finally made it home and decided to make dinner and just see how things went. I still felt a bit weird and was having regular contractions but they weren't painful so Annette, my midwife said to monitor things and keep her posted.
After dinner I decided to run a bath and just relax a bit, but as soon as I walked into the bedroom I felt a loud POP and my water broke. I'm still convinced that you karate kicked the plug out because you were tired of the scenery. I quickly messaged Annette again and said that I was definitely in labor and that my water had broken. She told us to come on in! It was about 9:00pm when we packed up the car and started driving to the hospital.
Let's just say that in the ten minutes between my water breaking and us making it down to the car, my contractions went from being super low key to being very intense and close together. I remember feeling so excited and surprised but never scared. I was so anxious to meet you!
We found a parking spot easily and joked around a bit as we got out of the car and started walking up to the hospital because my bedroom shoes were soggy, and I had to keep stopping to breathe through the contractions. They were uncomfortable but manageable and I thought to myself, 'this isn't so bad, I've totally got this'. HAH!
I quickly realized that I did not have this haha! I thought that being a yoga teacher would help me breathe through the contractions but after an hour or so I decided I wanted *quote* ALL OF THE FREAKING DRUGS *unquote*
Nobody told me that when your water breaks and you're only 1cm dilated that things get very intense, very quickly. My midwife preformed a swipe to try to get things moving and I decided I wanted to know my pain management options. Immediately. After two botched attempts to get my IV line in by a trainee I finally asked for a nurse and we were in business! I have never been so excited to get a needle shoved in my arm in my life.
I was given IV narcotics that made me feel like I was completely loopy, but I stopped feeling any pain and was able to sleep for a bit. I honestly can't remember anything during this time except that James was in a chair by the window and I could barely hold my head up! Apparently, I had several conversations with nurses and my midwife but who knows!
At some point around 1:00am on the 7th I woke up and the drugs had worn off. Not a great way to wake up! I think I said something to your daddy along the lines of, 'oh no its happening again!' So we called the nurse in and I asked for an epidural. I remember thinking back to your Gram telling me to ask for an epidural at every appointment from 20 weeks on haha! I thought she was being funny at the time, but realized very quickly that she was only half joking.
*side note*
I am fully aware that women give birth all over the world without drugs. I am not that woman. I want all of the drugs. Pain is not my friend. And while I think all moms are badasses for giving birth however they choose...there ain't no trophy.
Anyways, the anesthesiologist was not awake and had to be woken up and called in. So, 208 years later when he finally came in I was more than ready to have a six inch needle shoved into my spine. Let me just say that I am TERRIFIED of needles, and hospitals, and shots, and blood. All of it. But when you feel like the grape stomping lady from that youtube video (see link here), you get over your fear and ask for the drugs. I honestly don't know how I stayed still long enough to get the epidural, my contractions were so close together and I still couldn't keep my head up!
Your daddy supported my shoulders and I felt a little pinch and it was done! Whew! After that I had to stay in bed because everything began to go numb, hallelujah. Annette checked me again and said things were progressing nicely so we should get some sleep. We settled down again for the night and with the exception of having to get flipped from one side to the other like a beached whale every hour or so because I would start to feel contractions in my top hip, the evening passed uneventfully.
I still felt a little bit drowsy from the narcotics so I slept really well. It was crazy to go to sleep knowing that we would get to meet you so soon, sweet girl! At six in the morning Annette came back in to check on me and I remember her face looking surprised and then her saying that I was +4 and it was time to push! She could see your head and I hadn't even noticed! Epidurals are LIFE.
For the first time I began to feel nervous. This was it. The big moment. And I couldn't feel ANYTHING. No urge to push, no contractions, nothing. I didn't know how to push because I couldn't feel anything at all. Thankfully, Annette was able to tell me when the contractions were happening from the fetal monitor. After about 40 minutes of pushing you were still stuck in the birth canal and not moving. Annette went and got a mirror so I could see what was happening when I pushed so that I would be able to better move you. I said HELL NO. As far as I was concerned there was a reason my head was on one end and my hoohah was on the other!
She said it wasn't scary looking and would help us get you out safely so I reluctantly agreed. And it actually wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! And thanks to that swift thinking idea by Annette, at 7:34am I got to see you come into this world and it was seriously the coolest thing I've ever seen. Your daddy caught you and handed you to Annette so she could put you up on my chest. You were so warm and squiggly and I remember being surprised at how warm your little body was as I held you for the first time. You were so perfect. With so much dark hair, and a funny little squished face!
Holding you felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was like meeting a part of my own soul.
Tomorrow you turn 1, and I am so proud of the little person you are becoming. You have made every single second of the last 365 days wonderful.You are so sweet and loving. We never doubt how you are feeling or what you want because you are so strong and steadfast in your opinions. You are silly and funny and so much fun to be around! You make me laugh every single day. And your hugs and smiles make my world go around.
Being your mama is the thing I am most proud of in this life. I can't wait to see what this next year brings my love. Happy Birthday <3
