Happy New Year

Wow, what a whirlwind this holiday season has been! Celebrating Ezme's first Christmas back at home in NC was such a blessing, especially since she is growing and changing so much every day. Even if we ended up having to celebrate Christmas a day late because James and I were down for the count with a bug it was wonderful being with family and friends.

I have to admit though, that every time I go back home it is harder and harder to leave. Living overseas has been such a challenge for me, even more so this last year being a new mom. Not having family nearby for support during these post-partum months has really taken a toll on me, and even though we have wonderful friends here in Oki, it always feels like something is missing. I have so much respect for single parents, and parents who are stationed away from their families. It is NOT for the faint of heart!

But I have learned a lot this last year. I have grown so much as a person. 2019 has by far been the hardest, most intense year of my life. But it has also been the most wonderful! I have been humbled to my core this year. Becoming a mom to my sweet girl has broken me down and built me back up as a stronger, more fierce, more determined version of myself. I've had to experience a lot of this journey alone since James' job has him working such long hours, and there were definitely times where I felt like I wasn't doing anything right. But there has been so much beauty in these weak moments.

My feelings of self doubt, anxiety, and being overwhelmed have been met head on with a newly found trust in myself. The kind of trust that comes from holding on to control so tightly that you reach a point where all you can do is let go and rely solely on your intuition and heart. This is a lesson of motherhood that I seem to forget and relearn almost weekly, but slowly I am getting better at reaching this point of calm quicker and more gracefully.

Ultimately, my biggest lesson from this year has been learning that the only thing that truly matters is love. I know, I know, that sounds super dorky and cliche, but it's the truth. Your baby is going to go through regressions, they won't sleep when they are supposed, or eat when you want them to. They will cry and fall down and have really hard learning moments. The house will be a mess, laundry will pile up, and sometimes you and your spouse will only see each other for a few minutes a day. And all of this can build up and make you feel like you are doing something wrong. But babies are just little humans learning how to fit into this big world, and all we can do as mothers is love them and be present for them, messy house or no!

I've learned that no matter how many books or blogs I read, no matter how many sleep training methods I study up on, whether I do baby led weaning of go for purees, none of this matters ultimately. My baby is safe, happy, loved, and has people around her who love and care for her. That is enough. More than enough really.

Another huge lesson I have been repeatedly learning this year is that you can't pour from an empty cup. When you spend your days and nights pouring your heart and soul into another persons happiness, taking care of yourself takes a backseat. Maintaining a balance of self care and the care of others during motherhood is the biggest struggle. I think every mom feels this way and recognizes that keeping this balance is basically a full time job! Honestly, I thought that I would be WAY better at it. Especially coming from a background in yoga, I felt so confident that I would be able to remain grounded and balanced throughout this journey.

HAH! I went from doing yoga at least once a day, meditating, teaching, reading yoga texts, and living my yoga every single day to completely neglecting my home practice. This has been one of my biggest struggles this year, losing this huge piece of myself. But looking back, I realize that I didn't lose my practice, it just evolved with me. My asana and meditation practice basically went out the door, but my utilization and practice of service to others, and my heart practice has grown tenfold. Living your yoga doesn't necessarily mean rolling out your mat every day, it encompasses so much more than that. A lesson that I read about and knew from my studies, but had to experience first hand to truly understand.

That being said, I am finally feeling ready to let go of a few things that have been holding me back this year and move forward into 2020 with the intention of getting back into my practice in a more balanced way. I've always loved the ritual of making resolutions at the beginning of a new year and letting go of the things that no longer serve me but this year I am going a different route.

Instead of making resolutions for this year, I am choosing to set intentions instead. I will try my best to honor these intentions and follow through on them, but I will be forgiving and flexible with myself when challenges arise, because they definitely will! Overall, my biggest intention for 2020 is to strive to find balance in all things. 

So, with all of that being said, and because I love lists, here are my intentions for this new year:

*I will trust my intuition and heart, and be open to change
*I will strive for patience and empathy in all situations
*I will let go of unnecessary worry, fear, and anxiety
*I will focus more on my mental & physical health
*I will spend 10 minutes every day in quiet meditation
*I will do something I enjoy, for myself every day
*I will be more open and honest with myself and others
*I will read & write more for enjoyment
*I will remember to live in the moment and appreciate it
*I will spend less time on social media and more time being present
*I will continue to love and teach my sweet baby to the best of my ability
*I will be at peace with my decisions
*I will opt for a plant based diet
*I will try to live a cruelty free lifestyle


My hope for you all in this new year, sweet friends, is that you find fulfillment and peace in your lives! That you live in each moment fully and blissfully. That you manifest your dreams and appreciate them for the lessons they bring you. That you let go of the things holding you back and banish negativity that tries to come between you and your happiness. I hope that you strive for love over hate, peace over conflict, unity over division. May we all share with others when we have more than we need, and opt for inclusion and kindness instead of division and fear of the unknown.

Wishing you and yours light and love...

Happy New Year!!

Pep Talk Time

Life has been pretty crazy the past couple of weeks, but the good kind of crazy. We nailed down the last few details for the wedding; venue, photographer, lighting, hotel, bridesmaid dresses, MY DRESS, the DJ, basically everything! My business has been taking off like crazy with the spring market (thank you little baby jesus!), I had to travel for various reasons to Nashville and Durham, and of course life in flight school is as unpredictable as always! 

Life is good! It's crazy thinking back to when I was in my early twenties and didn't have a clue where I would be in a few months, and especially not in a few years! I definitely did not think I would be living in Milton Florida, marrying my amazing best friend, or running my own Real Estate Business. But here we are! It's funny to think about the curve balls life throws at you. 

There have been lots of ups and downs (mostly ups!), I've made amazing new friends, strengthened old ones, stepped out of my comfort zone career-wise and personally, and grown a lot as a person. I have started learning how to COOK! Which is probably hilarious to those who grew up with me :)

The other day in the car, J and I were discussing the different potential duty stations we could be sent to and what it would mean for me and my career. I got a little bit frustrated because it seems like the second you get established and comfortable in a new place its time to pick up and move again. It takes so much time and money to start a business and the thought that I will have to keep starting over can be daunting at times. Also, one can't exactly sell real estate in Japan. 

But then J looked at me and said, 'what do you mean you would have nothing to do? You can do anything you want.' Just like that, so matter of factly! And I realized, he's right. It's so easy to look at the military life through a negative light. But in all honesty, these moves allow me to have the freedom to change things up and follow MANY dreams, not just one! Soooo we get sent somewhere I can't sell real estate? I can go back to school, learn a new trade, travel, do an archaeological dig. 

I think it is so important for us ALL to realize that life doesn't have to hold you back. You don't have to stay in that job you hate, you don't have to have one career your whole life, you are NEVER too old to go back to school, you SHOULD travel often and learn about new cultures. If you wake up one day when you are 57 and decide you want to be a photographer, sign up for lessons! If you want to quit your job, sell your belongings, and travel the world: do it! 

If there is one thing I've learned this year, it's that you can't limit yourself based on what you think you are 'supposed to do'. Recently (in politics and in general) it has come to my attention how absorbed we as humans are with putting people into boxes and categorizing them. And when something doesn't fit in a box we fear it or reject it. If everyone worried a little bit less about what was 'acceptable' or 'normal' and focused more on being a good person and being happy, the world would be a better place. 

You can be a business owner, real estate broker, archaeology loving, yoga-doing, mom, animal activist, occasional vegan dieter, wanderluster, who sometimes has no clue whats going on. (or whatever). 

I guess what I'm saying is, think about what makes you happy, I mean truly happy in your soul, and do that! Don't get so caught up in the technical details of everything that you forget to see the beauty and opportunity in each situation. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend! 

Morning Routine

It seems like every time I go online these days I see a bunch of posts about 'how to have an effective morning routine'. I used to be the QUEEN of the morning routine. I was up at five to walk the dogs, would go to the gym for an hour, come home and shower, eat my breakfast, drink my coffee, and read the news on my porch before heading in to the office.

I don't know what has happened since my move down to Florida, but I have turned into a complete disaster in the mornings. I roll onto the floor, grumble all the way down the stairs to let the dogs out, walk to the dog park looking like a hot damn mess, grumble all the way back to the apartment, feed the dogs, and then get back into bed where I hit snooze about 7 more times until I'm impossibly late. 

This is a horrible way to start your day. And even though technically I've been getting more sleep, I feel much more fatigued during the day (no matter how many cups of coffee I drink). Not to mention the fact that I am supposed to run a half marathon in a week and I haven't been exercising AT ALL for the last week and a half. Gahhhhh!

I have got to get myself together and get back on the healthy morning routine train, so thank you internet bloggers for reminding me that I don't have to be a slovenly, exhausted, slightly out of shape pig!

This post is here purely to provide evidence and hold me accountable for what I am about to say...

Starting tomorrow, I will adhere to the following morning routine NO MATTER WHAT!

*6:00am Wake up, walk/feed dogs

*6:30am RUN!!! (5 miles)

*7:30am Shower & get ready for work

*8:00am relax: read news, meditate, drink coffee (whatever)

*8:30am go to work not looking like a madwoman

I feel really good about this. This will not be a problem at all. Haha but seriously, I think making these few, small changes will help me a lot as far as getting myself moving in the morning! Alsooooo maybe now I won't die during this half marathon...

What are some of the ways you start your mornings in a positive way?

E

A Little Piece Of Peace

Saturday morning. There are few things better than waking up slowly to the smell of coffee and knowing that there is nothing on the schedule for the day that HAS to be done. 

Unless of course you count going to a book store, studying a little bit for the realtor exam, drinking MORE coffee, and maybe going for a run in the evening...all good things. 

The past couple of weeks there has been a wonderful sense of calm in my life. Maybe it has to do with finally having a job I enjoy, one that challenges me in a good way. Or the fact that it always takes a while to get into the swing of things when you move. Whatever it is, my sleep has been sounder, my days have gone by faster, and I just feel less anxious about things in general (which is rare for me haha). For every big change in life there is an adjustment period, a time when it is easy to doubt yourself, but without these changes it would be impossible to grow and evolve as a person. 

The older I get the more I realize that there are somethings in life that you just can not control, and that your energy is better spent working on the things that you can control and change. Especially now that the Marine Corps is a part of my life through James, Ive learned that everything must be written in pencil and that plans change. Being a person who finds comfort in routine and having control over situations this has been a huge wake up call! But in a way it has been liberating too, because it allows me to (whether I like it or not...) let go of things a bit more and just go with the flow. No perfectly laid plan will ever work out the way you want it to, but there is beauty in challenge and those crazy little life messes that pop up when we least expect it :) 

So, as I sit here drinking coffee out of my Bull City mug and writing this post, I am content with the direction of my life but also excited because I know that everything could change in an instant, and all any one of us can do is be the best version of ourselves that we can be and weather the storms when they come. 

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

g r a t i t u d e & a t t i t u d e

the beginning of july has come and gone, and with it, a wonderful week of revels with family and friends. we celebrated the marriage of Kevan & Rebekkah (J's sister and brother-in-law) with a week-long extravaganza of seafood, music, funny stories, and heartfelt thanks as these two wonderful families came together and it was such a beautiful experience to be a part of! 

my parents were also in town during the wedding week so i was finally able to show them around pensacola and give them a glimpse into out little life down here. the name of this post is 'gratitude & attitude' because sometimes it takes a big event, like a wedding, to realize how much the little things in life matter. showing small, everyday bits of gratitude for the people and things in your life makes a huge difference in how you feel and carry yourself.

one of the big things that has been bringing me down recently was my job as a nanny here in pensacola. i unfortunately let the poison of that job filter into other aspects of my life and make me miserable. i honestly don't know what i would have done without the support of my amazing friends and family as i struggled to get out of that contract. i allowed my entire being to lose its light and just coming home and making dinner after a day at work became a chore. however, with the encouragement of james, my beautiful friends, and my awesome family, i decided to quit my job (yikes!),get my real estate license in florida, and continue selling houses down here as well as in nc!

today was my first 'unemployed' day and i have to admit that although liberating, it was a little nerve-wracking to realize i don't currently have a job! luckily, through connections we've already made down here, i have a job lined up with a real estate firm as soon as i complete my 72 hour online course. whew! talk about a relief!! sometimes you have to suck it up and make a change, be it a change in scenery, job, or attitude, and in this case i changed a little bit of all three. its scary making huge life changing choices, but without change there is no room for growth :)

as i sit here reflecting on how crazy the last week was, i am struck by the enormous gratitude i feel for the love and encouragement of the people in our life. no matter what is going on in life, through the highs and lows, the happiness and the sadness, the worry and doubt, and all of the beautiful, messy moments in between nothing would hold any meaning without these kooky, sweet people we call our family and friends. i wish it didn't take a job change and a wedding for me to realize this but sometimes we all need a little kick in the ass, right? 

i am also thankful for the super great NEW friends we were able to make because of Kevan and Rebekkah's marriage. its so crazy to think about how much light there is in the world, and how many wonderful new people and experiences are out there, if we could only just change the lens we look through and have a more open and positive attitude. so, in the wake of a truly awesome fourth of july week, i am making a promise to myself and all of you, to be a more positive, optimistic, and encouraging person DESPITE the darkness in life. because lets be honest, we've all got it pretty darn good! and if something isn't gelling with your vision of how you want your life to be, CHANGE IT!! FOR GOODNESS SAKE, just jump off that metaphorical cliff and take life by the horns! 

i hope that all of you had a great week! and if ever you feel some part of your life is not going in the right direction, remember that its never too late to change it. tell the people in your life that you love them, help a stranger, laugh A LOT, ask people how they are and CARE about the answer, and never ever ever settle for something less than absolute happiness!

<3 E
p.s James, im also thankful for the vacuum...those stairs would have been nightmare without it ;)

(this last photo was taken by Jerry Padgett Photography)

l i t t l e t e a c h e r s

today my sweet baby Dillon is six months old! it has been amazing nannying for him for the last 4 months in addition to the rest of my kiddos. there is something really special about spending so much time with children. i feel like it helps to keep things in perspective, especially when you're having a bad day. it is so easy to let yourself fall into a funk for silly reasons like; having to get up early, having car trouble, paying your taxes as an independent contractor cough cough. but it is equally easy to sit down, take a deep breath, and think about how much worse it could be and how easy it is to turn your day around. 

these tiny stresses don't mean a damn thing to a 6 month old, or a four year old, or even a ten year old. they are worried about things like sharing, and which book to read, and why these creepy crawly inch worms are everywhere this time of year?? (but really, whats up with these worms??) to us, adults, these things probably sound silly. but when you really think about it, which is sillier? being upset because you had to wake up early and hang out with kids outside, or being upset because you are a tiny person learning how to navigate this huge world and share your favorite toy? 

its also so easy to make these little people happy! if you take the time to sit down and ask them why they are upset, and explain how to make it better, most of time these kids can pull it together and do a complete 180. i want to be more like that. the vast majority of the time i am a super happy and optimistic person. but everyone gets into a funk now and then, and when that happens to me i think about how lucky i am to get to spend my days teaching and learning in this ridiculously cool give-and-take with my kiddos. 

some people may look down on being a nanny as a career choice, especially when i have been in the position to take over a very lucrative family real estate business. but money isn't everything, and being happy with what you do as a career is hard to come by these days. i probably won't be a nanny forever, as a millennial i find the idea of having one career boring. i have so many things that i want to do with my life! i want to go to grad school, write a book, get certified to teach yoga, travel a million different places, learn to cook! every day i think of something new that i want to accomplish in my life. and i honestly think a lot of that can be credited to hanging out with these amazing little people all day. their worlds are so full of possibility and unlimited choices, and i think that we lose that when we grow up but we don't have to!

so, on this cloudy disgusting wednesday, as i sit here waiting for my sweet baby nugget to wake up from his nap, i am reminded that every day is what you make it and there are no limits to what you can do with a bit of creativity, a positive outlook, and an unwavering sense of adventure :)