Catching Up, Thoughts of Motherhood

I'm currently sitting in my bed listening to the rain pouring down outside. I've got my mug of milky mama tea, my baby monitor, and my computer. It is so peaceful. If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago if I thought I would be doing this right now, I would have cry-laughed in your face! You see, we JUST got sweet baby girl re-sleep-trained after about 3 months of teething, separation anxiety, colds, and me just being super afraid of starting that process over again.

Lets be honest, sleep training has a lot of negative vibes surrounding it. And if I'm being 100% real with myself, I would totally co-sleep with my babies until they left for college but my husband would kill me and it turns out that Ezme and I don't sleep well together. So, last week as a complete last resort, at the very edge of my sanity, I decided to start over using the Ferber method. We put her down drowsy but awake and basically let her fuss for 10 minutes before going in to soothe. We do this over and over until she finally falls asleep. I'm not going to lie to you, the first 4 nights were HORRIBLE. She cried. I cried. I felt mom guilt like, well, a mother. But we made it through, and on the fifth night, she slept until 3am. She had a few wake-ups, but each time she fell asleep after like 3 minutes of fussing. It felt like a miracle!

The next night, she did the same thing...slept through until 3 am. After the next few days, I realized that she could sleep through until morning but that if I go in and nurse her at 3, she will sleep until 7:30-8. So we've decided to keep that one feeding for the time being, until she naturally drops it or I decide to wean her.

Whew.

Motherhood is insane. I have never had so much anxiety, or guilt, or exhaustion in my life! But the scariest thing of all is that it is completely worth it. Raising this little human is such an honor and sometimes I find myself wondering how I got so lucky. Sure, I spend most of my days covered in drool, crawling around on the floor. And god knows I haven't worn a real bra in who knows how long. But, as time goes on I have started to better understand just how this roller coaster ride works. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns, involved in being a parent. It can be really scary! But for me, the thing I keep coming back to is that, mindset is everything.

It is so easy to get overwhelmed as a mom. To feel pressure from others and yourself to do things a certain way. Literally every part of motherhood has become this weird competitive, guilt ridden, shit show and it's not okay. The human component is so subjective, each baby is so unique, each family has its own dynamic, each mama has her own style. We should be supporting each other and lifting each other up to ensure that the next generation has the tools they need to better their world and thrive in it. And I think that as a culture we have forgotten that this positive change starts with happy, healthy, SUPPORTED mamas.

So, no matter what season you are in right now. Whether you choose to co-sleep or sleep train, bottle feed or breast feed, practice BLW or introduce purees, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, know that you are seen and respected and needed. We're all doing the best we can, so let's spread the love instead of the judgement and try our best to be there for each other.

For all my mama friends out there, we have a facebook group called Motherhood United that brings together moms from all over the world, from all stages of motherhood, to share advice, commiserate on the tough stuff, and provide support. I know it can seem weirdly lonely on this journey, but you are most definitely not alone! Thinking back on those tough days last week, it feels like they are so far away. But I know how it feels to be in the thick of it, we all do!

So I don't know who needed to hear this today, but I guess what I'm trying to say is...YOU ARE A BADASS and things will get easier...and then harder...and then easier again, and that's just life. But know that you are not alone, you are part of a sisterhood now that you are a mama, and you matter.

The Elephant in the Womb...I Mean Room...

I want to take a minute today to talk about how surprised I was to see that there were several women that I know personally who posted on social media in the last couple of days saying that they didn't feel like the Women's March was inclusive to all women. This honestly shocked me, and also shook me to my core because as much as I try, I can't fathom why a woman wouldn't be able to understand how important it is to have comprehensive reproductive rights!

My understanding is that the real concern some women have about this movement is that is advocating on behalf of those who are Pro-Choice. For a person who is Pro-life, I can see how this would make it seem as though you are not welcome or included in this movement. But I firmly believe that this isn't true. The real issue here is that bipartisan politics have made us all think that being pro-life and pro-choice are polar opposites.

This unnecessary but unsurprising labeling forces us to take sides. But how can we be expected to take such a black and white stance on an issue that is so subjective? Human life is involved and there is no way that one decision can be made in an office somewhere in Washington, that will be effective and right for every situation.

Pro-choice is not anti-life or pro-abortion. Being Pro-choice is acknowledging that abortion is a difficult, multi-faceted, complicated, and subjective issue that should not be regulated by the government. Being pro-choice is being in favor of a woman's right to choose what is best for her and her family in that specific situation. Are you really pro-life if you are in favor of bringing a child into this world where they are not going to be cared for in the best way possible?? What about if the fetus isn't viable or has a terrible illness that would bring pain and suffering to the parents and the child itself? Or if the life of the mother is at risk?? The point is, these decisions belong to the women who are EXPERIENCING them. Who are we to judge and regulate other peoples bodies?? No person has the right to control another persons decision to bring another life into this world.

If you are truly Pro-life, then it should be a priority to ensure that EVERYONE has access to affordable contraception, reproductive education, and healthcare. THAT is being pro-life. Not debasing and judging women you don't know about a decision that is already incredibly difficult.

The biggest difference that I see between people who are Pro-choice and Pro-life is the word CHOICE. I do not judge my friends who believe that no fetus should ever be aborted. But I do disagree with them. Does that mean that I advocate abortion in all situations? Of course not. But I do respect my fellow women enough to know that they know their bodies and their situations better than any politician in Washington does.

I would never judge a woman for getting an abortion, in any situation. I would also never judge a woman's decision to carry a baby to term, in any situation. And THAT is what being Pro-choice means to me. I respect you and your decisions. All I'm asking is that you do the same.

Let's take away the ridiculous coined terms 'Pro-choice' and Pro-life'....what are we left with? Thousands of unique, complicated situations that are being over-simplified, or just over-looked, by a bunch of politicians. We need to slow down, think, and truly understand what it is that we are arguing about.

I would like to be given the freedom to decide what is best for my body and my family, and I want all women to have that same freedom. Simple.

Oops..kind of fell off the map there :)

I'm having a hard time deciding how to even start this post because it has been over a month since I last wrote and so much has happened both in my personal life and on a national scale since then. Obviously I was displeased and shocked by the results of the presidential election. Like so many others, I was unaware of how divided our country is and how easy it is to be blinded by the bubble we live in. Luckily, I've been brought up in a situation where everyone is treated equally no matter their religion, skin color, sexual orientation, or nationality is. However, I can see now that I have taken advantage of the fact that not everyone has the same open minded up-bringing that I have. I'm not going to harp on politics right now, but it's important for me to say that no matter who our president is or who our elected officials are, I will do everything in my power to support them when they support and protect ALL Americans, and I will defy and fight against them whenever they don't.

So! Now that the giant, misogynistic, racist elephant is out of the room (sorry! I'm really done now...) let's catch up! I've been back in Durham for about a month and everything is going great. I've been able to visit J down in Texas twice, but I definitely can't wait for the holidays so we can spend more than a couple of days together. Work is amazing! I forgot what it's like to sell houses in a town where the market never slowed down...it's also been such an uplifting thing to get back to work for my family business, which given recent events, I am ever more proud to be a part of! #girlpower

Wedding planning is insane, and it's probably a miracle that my mother hasn't killed me yet and vice versa. This whole wedding would never even happen without her, so thank god she continues to put up with my less than ideal method of getting stuff done...aka waiting until the last minute and then winging it. We are officially TWO MONTHS, I repeat TWO MONTHS away from this shindig and I am getting so excited. Meteorologists are calling for a super snowy winter so maybe we will even have a white Christmas AND wedding!!

I never posted the after photos of the house but I promise I will do a whole separate post on that when I get around to cleaning my house real quick aaaaand taking pics ;)

But I think that is enough of me blabbing for now. I will do better with the updates!

<3

P.S Super cool App for staying up to date on your local representatives, current bills, and news is called Countable...check it out! Let's keep the dialog open and try to fix these issues together by learning more about ALL of the demographics in our country. There is no place in America for hate and discrimination. Stand up for your neighbors. Speak out against hate. Keep your heads up!

We've Got Orders...

Today was a little rough. We finally got J's official orders and our move date has been scheduled for a couple of weeks from now. It's not like I didn't know this was coming but seeing it on paper made it so much more real. I felt like such a baby because I literally just looked at them and lost my shit and started crying like an insane person. Thankfully after a bit of consoling and teasing from J, I was able to lock it up. It just makes me so sad to think about being apart for the next few months, but we will get to see each other every few weeks and time will go quickly.

I think I've just been feeling a little bit overwhelmed because everything seems to happen all at once! On top of dealing with moving technicalities, I have been planning on doing my bachelorette this coming weekend for the last 6 months. Everything was organized, everyone was excited, and then out of nowhere a hurricane decides to pop up :( We are still on, but keeping a serious lookout on the weather channel these next couple of days. Thankfully everything looks like it will be passing north of us...but fingers crossed! (And pictures to come soon...)

I've also been in work limbo for the past month or so because we are in the process of PCS'ing so I've been feeling pretty discouraged. I'm definitely not the kind of person who can sit around and do nothing all day without feeling horribly guilty. The one thing I am looking forward to immensely in Durham, other than seeing friends and family, is having a full time career again!

Starting my real estate company down here was something I will always be proud to have done. I met amazing people, learned a lot about real estate in Florida, and expanded my skills as an agent and broker. But with that being said, I also have a whole new respect for brokers like my mother who run a company and manage to do their own business at the same time. And I can't wait to get back to being just a regular, old agent for a while!

I guess today was just one of those days, but I'm going to have a big cup of tea, put on my coziest sweats, and settle down with a good book and the pups. Everything will be fine and we will be stronger for it. Nobody said this life would be easy all the time, but taking a deep breath and counting your blessings helps. And wine. Wine helps too.

m i l l e n n i a l m u t t e r i n g s

mondays always have a way of sneaking up on me. i remember being in school and saving all of my homework for sunday night (or monday morning...)and immediately starting the countdown to the next friday. wouldn't it be great if every day was as exciting as friday? i mean obviously we all love the weekend because, well, its the weekend! no work, all play :) i want to love what i do so much that everyday is as great as a friday! 

generationally speaking, a job can be fun but its still a job. we are all expected to have not only a job, but a single career for our entire lives. its almost assumed that you won't love it, but you do your work because you have to. because its what people do. i think that our generation has done an exceptional, if not fully understood or accepted, job of showing that fluidity and change in the workplace is a good thing! you don't have to start on this long career path when you're 23 and move up the workplace food chain until you turn 65 and hopefully retire with enough money to live out the rest of your life. millennials have shown that there are many different paths and careers that a person can take and still have an influential, productive, and awesome work life. 

don't get me wrong! i don't think there is anything bad about having a single career for ones entire life. some paths like those of doctors, scientists, engineers etc... come with an incredible amount of schooling. the bottom line is, different people are happy doing different things in different ways. 

personally speaking though, i would be so bored if i did just one thing for my entire life! real estate is a great job for me because you can make your own schedule, you get to meet lots of people, and you rarely sit still. its a problem solving career that is always changing. its also a job where you get out of it what you put into it. if you want to make money, you have to get out there and work for it. this part was difficult to learn at first, but making money to pay your bills is a pretty great motivator ;)

being surrounded by so many great people who are down in pensacola for the same reason as me, the reason being they have a significant other in flight school, I've learned that being creative and fluid in your job/career choices is not only a positive thing but a necessity. I've met women who are yoga instructors, real estate agents, food industry workers, nannies, stay-at-home moms, independent Etsy sales people, you name it! its absolutely incredible. some people may look down on having many different jobs in different fields but i think its an asset! who wouldn't want to have tons of options and life skills? its much harder to get bored, thats for sure!

another important thing about job fluidity is that it allows you to enjoy the NOW more. it seems like when people are in a set career they're always working towards some unspeakable end in a way that completely ignores how the person is feeling now. goals are great, they help get shit done, but it is so important to enjoy the little things that happen daily and not get so wrapped up in the future that you wake up one day 50 years down the line and wonder where your life went. thats why i am using this new beginning (career-wise, and location-wise) to focus more on doing things that make me happy. i want to work hard and make money so that i can travel to crazy places, do new activities, and experience things fully all the time, not just when i turn 65 and retire. 

there are so many options for things to do that get you out in the world that don't necessarily have to do with work. take a class just for fun because you want to learn something new! get scuba certified, heck get yoga instructor certified (it could come in handy one day haha). train to run a half marathon even though the only time you 'run' is when you think you're being chased by zombies! these are all things that i plan on doing before this year is over and I'm sure that list will change and grow throughout the months, but i think its important to have this list. everyone should have a fun to-do list, or a bucket-list. even if you can't do everything on it right when you want to, its still fun to take it out and look at it so that you are able to remember not to take things so seriously. were only given this one life, and i think we should all make the most of it!

whew! okay, monday morning rant over :)

E