Lets be honest, sleep training has a lot of negative vibes surrounding it. And if I'm being 100% real with myself, I would totally co-sleep with my babies until they left for college but my husband would kill me and it turns out that Ezme and I don't sleep well together. So, last week as a complete last resort, at the very edge of my sanity, I decided to start over using the Ferber method. We put her down drowsy but awake and basically let her fuss for 10 minutes before going in to soothe. We do this over and over until she finally falls asleep. I'm not going to lie to you, the first 4 nights were HORRIBLE. She cried. I cried. I felt mom guilt like, well, a mother. But we made it through, and on the fifth night, she slept until 3am. She had a few wake-ups, but each time she fell asleep after like 3 minutes of fussing. It felt like a miracle!
The next night, she did the same thing...slept through until 3 am. After the next few days, I realized that she could sleep through until morning but that if I go in and nurse her at 3, she will sleep until 7:30-8. So we've decided to keep that one feeding for the time being, until she naturally drops it or I decide to wean her.
Whew.
Motherhood is insane. I have never had so much anxiety, or guilt, or exhaustion in my life! But the scariest thing of all is that it is completely worth it. Raising this little human is such an honor and sometimes I find myself wondering how I got so lucky. Sure, I spend most of my days covered in drool, crawling around on the floor. And god knows I haven't worn a real bra in who knows how long. But, as time goes on I have started to better understand just how this roller coaster ride works. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns, involved in being a parent. It can be really scary! But for me, the thing I keep coming back to is that, mindset is everything.
It is so easy to get overwhelmed as a mom. To feel pressure from others and yourself to do things a certain way. Literally every part of motherhood has become this weird competitive, guilt ridden, shit show and it's not okay. The human component is so subjective, each baby is so unique, each family has its own dynamic, each mama has her own style. We should be supporting each other and lifting each other up to ensure that the next generation has the tools they need to better their world and thrive in it. And I think that as a culture we have forgotten that this positive change starts with happy, healthy, SUPPORTED mamas.
So, no matter what season you are in right now. Whether you choose to co-sleep or sleep train, bottle feed or breast feed, practice BLW or introduce purees, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, know that you are seen and respected and needed. We're all doing the best we can, so let's spread the love instead of the judgement and try our best to be there for each other.
For all my mama friends out there, we have a facebook group called Motherhood United that brings together moms from all over the world, from all stages of motherhood, to share advice, commiserate on the tough stuff, and provide support. I know it can seem weirdly lonely on this journey, but you are most definitely not alone! Thinking back on those tough days last week, it feels like they are so far away. But I know how it feels to be in the thick of it, we all do!
So I don't know who needed to hear this today, but I guess what I'm trying to say is...YOU ARE A BADASS and things will get easier...and then harder...and then easier again, and that's just life. But know that you are not alone, you are part of a sisterhood now that you are a mama, and you matter.
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