Happy New Year

Wow, what a whirlwind this holiday season has been! Celebrating Ezme's first Christmas back at home in NC was such a blessing, especially since she is growing and changing so much every day. Even if we ended up having to celebrate Christmas a day late because James and I were down for the count with a bug it was wonderful being with family and friends.

I have to admit though, that every time I go back home it is harder and harder to leave. Living overseas has been such a challenge for me, even more so this last year being a new mom. Not having family nearby for support during these post-partum months has really taken a toll on me, and even though we have wonderful friends here in Oki, it always feels like something is missing. I have so much respect for single parents, and parents who are stationed away from their families. It is NOT for the faint of heart!

But I have learned a lot this last year. I have grown so much as a person. 2019 has by far been the hardest, most intense year of my life. But it has also been the most wonderful! I have been humbled to my core this year. Becoming a mom to my sweet girl has broken me down and built me back up as a stronger, more fierce, more determined version of myself. I've had to experience a lot of this journey alone since James' job has him working such long hours, and there were definitely times where I felt like I wasn't doing anything right. But there has been so much beauty in these weak moments.

My feelings of self doubt, anxiety, and being overwhelmed have been met head on with a newly found trust in myself. The kind of trust that comes from holding on to control so tightly that you reach a point where all you can do is let go and rely solely on your intuition and heart. This is a lesson of motherhood that I seem to forget and relearn almost weekly, but slowly I am getting better at reaching this point of calm quicker and more gracefully.

Ultimately, my biggest lesson from this year has been learning that the only thing that truly matters is love. I know, I know, that sounds super dorky and cliche, but it's the truth. Your baby is going to go through regressions, they won't sleep when they are supposed, or eat when you want them to. They will cry and fall down and have really hard learning moments. The house will be a mess, laundry will pile up, and sometimes you and your spouse will only see each other for a few minutes a day. And all of this can build up and make you feel like you are doing something wrong. But babies are just little humans learning how to fit into this big world, and all we can do as mothers is love them and be present for them, messy house or no!

I've learned that no matter how many books or blogs I read, no matter how many sleep training methods I study up on, whether I do baby led weaning of go for purees, none of this matters ultimately. My baby is safe, happy, loved, and has people around her who love and care for her. That is enough. More than enough really.

Another huge lesson I have been repeatedly learning this year is that you can't pour from an empty cup. When you spend your days and nights pouring your heart and soul into another persons happiness, taking care of yourself takes a backseat. Maintaining a balance of self care and the care of others during motherhood is the biggest struggle. I think every mom feels this way and recognizes that keeping this balance is basically a full time job! Honestly, I thought that I would be WAY better at it. Especially coming from a background in yoga, I felt so confident that I would be able to remain grounded and balanced throughout this journey.

HAH! I went from doing yoga at least once a day, meditating, teaching, reading yoga texts, and living my yoga every single day to completely neglecting my home practice. This has been one of my biggest struggles this year, losing this huge piece of myself. But looking back, I realize that I didn't lose my practice, it just evolved with me. My asana and meditation practice basically went out the door, but my utilization and practice of service to others, and my heart practice has grown tenfold. Living your yoga doesn't necessarily mean rolling out your mat every day, it encompasses so much more than that. A lesson that I read about and knew from my studies, but had to experience first hand to truly understand.

That being said, I am finally feeling ready to let go of a few things that have been holding me back this year and move forward into 2020 with the intention of getting back into my practice in a more balanced way. I've always loved the ritual of making resolutions at the beginning of a new year and letting go of the things that no longer serve me but this year I am going a different route.

Instead of making resolutions for this year, I am choosing to set intentions instead. I will try my best to honor these intentions and follow through on them, but I will be forgiving and flexible with myself when challenges arise, because they definitely will! Overall, my biggest intention for 2020 is to strive to find balance in all things. 

So, with all of that being said, and because I love lists, here are my intentions for this new year:

*I will trust my intuition and heart, and be open to change
*I will strive for patience and empathy in all situations
*I will let go of unnecessary worry, fear, and anxiety
*I will focus more on my mental & physical health
*I will spend 10 minutes every day in quiet meditation
*I will do something I enjoy, for myself every day
*I will be more open and honest with myself and others
*I will read & write more for enjoyment
*I will remember to live in the moment and appreciate it
*I will spend less time on social media and more time being present
*I will continue to love and teach my sweet baby to the best of my ability
*I will be at peace with my decisions
*I will opt for a plant based diet
*I will try to live a cruelty free lifestyle


My hope for you all in this new year, sweet friends, is that you find fulfillment and peace in your lives! That you live in each moment fully and blissfully. That you manifest your dreams and appreciate them for the lessons they bring you. That you let go of the things holding you back and banish negativity that tries to come between you and your happiness. I hope that you strive for love over hate, peace over conflict, unity over division. May we all share with others when we have more than we need, and opt for inclusion and kindness instead of division and fear of the unknown.

Wishing you and yours light and love...

Happy New Year!!

Catching Up, Thoughts of Motherhood

I'm currently sitting in my bed listening to the rain pouring down outside. I've got my mug of milky mama tea, my baby monitor, and my computer. It is so peaceful. If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago if I thought I would be doing this right now, I would have cry-laughed in your face! You see, we JUST got sweet baby girl re-sleep-trained after about 3 months of teething, separation anxiety, colds, and me just being super afraid of starting that process over again.

Lets be honest, sleep training has a lot of negative vibes surrounding it. And if I'm being 100% real with myself, I would totally co-sleep with my babies until they left for college but my husband would kill me and it turns out that Ezme and I don't sleep well together. So, last week as a complete last resort, at the very edge of my sanity, I decided to start over using the Ferber method. We put her down drowsy but awake and basically let her fuss for 10 minutes before going in to soothe. We do this over and over until she finally falls asleep. I'm not going to lie to you, the first 4 nights were HORRIBLE. She cried. I cried. I felt mom guilt like, well, a mother. But we made it through, and on the fifth night, she slept until 3am. She had a few wake-ups, but each time she fell asleep after like 3 minutes of fussing. It felt like a miracle!

The next night, she did the same thing...slept through until 3 am. After the next few days, I realized that she could sleep through until morning but that if I go in and nurse her at 3, she will sleep until 7:30-8. So we've decided to keep that one feeding for the time being, until she naturally drops it or I decide to wean her.

Whew.

Motherhood is insane. I have never had so much anxiety, or guilt, or exhaustion in my life! But the scariest thing of all is that it is completely worth it. Raising this little human is such an honor and sometimes I find myself wondering how I got so lucky. Sure, I spend most of my days covered in drool, crawling around on the floor. And god knows I haven't worn a real bra in who knows how long. But, as time goes on I have started to better understand just how this roller coaster ride works. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns, involved in being a parent. It can be really scary! But for me, the thing I keep coming back to is that, mindset is everything.

It is so easy to get overwhelmed as a mom. To feel pressure from others and yourself to do things a certain way. Literally every part of motherhood has become this weird competitive, guilt ridden, shit show and it's not okay. The human component is so subjective, each baby is so unique, each family has its own dynamic, each mama has her own style. We should be supporting each other and lifting each other up to ensure that the next generation has the tools they need to better their world and thrive in it. And I think that as a culture we have forgotten that this positive change starts with happy, healthy, SUPPORTED mamas.

So, no matter what season you are in right now. Whether you choose to co-sleep or sleep train, bottle feed or breast feed, practice BLW or introduce purees, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, know that you are seen and respected and needed. We're all doing the best we can, so let's spread the love instead of the judgement and try our best to be there for each other.

For all my mama friends out there, we have a facebook group called Motherhood United that brings together moms from all over the world, from all stages of motherhood, to share advice, commiserate on the tough stuff, and provide support. I know it can seem weirdly lonely on this journey, but you are most definitely not alone! Thinking back on those tough days last week, it feels like they are so far away. But I know how it feels to be in the thick of it, we all do!

So I don't know who needed to hear this today, but I guess what I'm trying to say is...YOU ARE A BADASS and things will get easier...and then harder...and then easier again, and that's just life. But know that you are not alone, you are part of a sisterhood now that you are a mama, and you matter.

Blogtober Day 8!

What are three lessons you have learned in the last year?

Narrowing this list down has been quite an adventure. The past year has been so incredibly full of important lessons and moments of clarity. I have days where I feel like I've got all of my ducks in a row, and I'm killing it as a mom, friend, wife, sister etc. And then there are other days where I never leave my house, and keeping the baby alive is the only goal of the day.

So honestly, the biggest lesson I have probably learned this year is; LET GO. Let go of all of the expectations that build up throughout the day about how you are supposed to be doing things. Let go of the self judgement and the feelings of not being good enough. Let go of the crippling need to control every little thing that happens (especially where the baby is concerned). Let go of the need to do everything myself so that it is 'done right'. Let go of the anxiety of doing things wrong for Ezmé. She will be fine if her routine is thrown off a little, or if she gags on a piece of food, or if we skip bath time once or twice. Just take a deep breath and let go a little.

The second important lesson I have learned this year is; ask for help when you need it. When we first brought Ezmé home I struggled horribly with anxiety and letting people come help me. Honestly, I didn't know how to ask for help because a lot of the time I didn't know what I needed. It was so overwhelming to realize that this tiny human was mine to raise and nurture and teach, that I could barely process what I needed to do outside of taking care of her. This anxiety made me hold on to controlling my environment to the point where I wouldn't ask anyone to help me do things because I needed them to be done a certain way. I've always been type A about the way things are cleaned and organized in my house, so this was a huge process for me, learning how to ask for help, allow the help to be given, and then to be okay with things being done differently than I would do them myself. Now, I'm finding it easier to ask for help because you start the realize that getting things done at all (like; laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, walking the dogs, going to the grocery store, everything) takes a damn village when you have a baby to take care of!

Thirdly, I have learned how important it is to appreciate and fully absorb each moment. Time goes so fast with babies. One minute they are a tiny little tree frog curled up on your chest, and the next minute they are crawling and laughing and playing. It is INSANE how easy it is to rush and miss these incredible moments, especially when you are multitasking which, let's be honest, we all do. The other day I was trying to get groceries out of the car and grab Ezmé, and get up all the stairs to our third floor apartment, when she put her head down on my shoulder and just snuggled in so tightly. You better believe I put down all of those bags in the middle of the parking lot, took off my backpack, and just gave her the biggest squeeze because I could tell she needed it and I did too. I'm trying to remember that I only have a certain amount of time to spend with her and love on her and make sure she knows that she is the most important thing in the world to me. I don't want her to think back and remember, my mom always kept the house spotless, or she brought all those groceries up in one go haha. All she cares about is spending time playing and reading and snuggling with her mama. And that is so important to remember. I read a quote today that said, 'you have a child forever, but you only have a baby for a year.'

Being grateful and in the moment is something that we all should focus on more. But I especially want to remember this lesson because the days may be long but the years are short, and I want to fill up my life with all of these little moments of happiness and love so that I can look back without regrets and know that I spent my time wisely enjoying my family.

What are the three most important lessons YOU have learned this year?

Blogtober Day 1

Welcome to #blogtober Day 1!
The topic for today is...
What is your main motivation in life??
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A broad answer to this question would be love. Love for my family. Love for my friends. Spreading love and kindness and just trying to make the world easier and more beautiful place to be a part of. Specifically, this tiny, miraculous human is my motivation. Because I want all of those things for her. I want Ezmé to grow up in a world that is kind, and peaceful, and compassionate for everyone. I want her to treat everyone with the respect and empathy that they deserve. I want her to understand that things aren’t always easy but that approaching life with a good outlook can make things better. I want her to know that she is fiercely loved and that she is perfect just the way she is. My motivation in life has completely been overtaken by this child because I want what all parents want; what’s best for their kid. There is a lot of ugliness in the world right now: school shootings, dirty politics, hate crimes, xenophobia, destruction of our planet. I want to raise a daughter who will strive to make these things better, because as much as I wish that she wouldn’t have to deal with these issues, her generation will be born into the middle of it. And I hope that they will rise to the occasion and fix the things that we couldn’t fix for them. 💙
#wherefeathersfall #motivation #journaling #awareness #babygirl #ezméluna #worldpeace #motherhoodrising #motherhood #motherhoodunplugged

Writing Prompts for #blogtober

Alright friends! It is October 1st, and that means it's the first day of #blogtober! Thank you so much for all of your topic suggestions, I am so excited to see what everyone has to say. In true fashion, I am a little late posting the list of prompts but without further ado here they are. Make sure to tag #wherefeathersfall and #blogtober when you participate so I can see your posts :)

Happy Writing!

1. What is your main motivation in life?

2. Who is your biggest inspiration, why?

3. What are five negative mindsets you could let go of?

4. Do you believe in spirit animals? What is yours?

5. What are your top 5 priorities in life?

6. What do you need more of in your life?

7. What is your biggest fear?

8. Three big lessons I've learned in the last year are...?

9. If you could have three wishes what would they be?

10. In what ways do you try to live a more sustainable life?

11. What do you think is the biggest issue the world faces?

12. What is the biggest challenge you currently face?

13. What is your best memory?

14. Which Hogwarts house would you be in? Why?

15. What book has had the biggest impact on you?

16. What are three things you said you'd never do as a parent? Have you done them?

17. One piece of advice you wish you could give your 18 year old self...

18. What is something positive in your life that you didn't have a year ago?

19. Where is your happy place?

20. Which fictional character do you relate to the most?

21. What would you do if you knew you would not fail?

22. When was the last time you did something for the FIRST time? What was it?

23. What do you consider to be your biggest achievement in life so far?

24. What are your top three goals for the next year?

25. What area of your life needs a little more attention?

26. What is the hardest part about motherhood? If you aren't a parent, what do you think it is?

27. Write a letter to your future self. 

28. How do you want to be remembered?

29. What three THINGS could you not live without?

30. Happiness is Homemade. What does this mean to you?

31. What is one thing you want to do daily for yourself?

Must Have Baby Items

Good morning!

The baby is FINALLY asleep for her morning nap after not sleeping well due to her cold, waking up at 5:00am, throwing a fit because she couldn't nurse since her nose was stuffy, and then finally pooping out from sheer exhaustion. Everything is fine (insert dog in flames meme). I have just poured myself a huge, holiday pour of wine, (I mean COFFEE!) Silly me, and realized that I have a bit of time to myself!

So, here I am at my computer going through all of the blog posts that I have backlogged in my head from the last 8 months...

One thing that I get asked a lot, as I'm sure every new mom can attest to, is what are your must have baby items if you're expecting? Now, this is a great question and I asked it myself, but I definitely realized through trial and error that the same thing doesn't always work for every baby. AND if it does work for your baby, don't hold your breath because it probably won't work next week.

However, with that in mind, here is a list of things that really helped us out when Ezmé was born:

1. My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow: this thing saved my life because I don't care what anybody says, breastfeeding is hard and not intuitive at all. This pillow straps around your waist, has pockets for your phone and stuff, and is curved to fit baby perfectly. If you plan on breastfeeding, I highly recommend this pillow.

2. The Haakaa: again, another weird breastfeeding thing. Something they don't tell you about is that while you're nursing on one side, your other boob is going to leak like it's possessed and get all over the place. And let me just tell you, there is NOTHING more sad than wasted milk. This bad boy suctions on to your other side and collects the milk so that you can save it. Be beware because little crazy feet like to kick this thing off and it will go flying. Also, I always kept a mug or cup next to me to set the Haakaa in because it is weirdly top heavy. But other than that, totally awesome!

3. Hatch Baby Rest Sound Machine: this thing is a lifesaver. It has so many different settings for light color, sound, and timer. It also let's you set programs to run automatically from the app on your phone. I want to get another one for my room! And I'm pretty sure the newer model has a digital clock built in.

4. Dock-a-tot: we LOVED our dock! Some people have said they weren't a fan but it worked really well for us because we could put her in it and bring her wherever we were in the house. It basically works as a portable, light bassinet and co-sleeper. When Ezmé was first born we swaddled her, put her in the dockatot and then set that in the pack in play (on the tall setting)right next to the bed.

5. Some kind of swing...we used the Graco Simple Swing but ended up going through two of them because they kept breaking, no idea why. Ezmé LOVED this swing though. She napped in it for the first 5 months of her life, and it would calm her down whenever she was angsty. But I will say it has a huge footprint and I think there are probably better options out there.

6. Tula Explore Baby Carrier: I love this baby carrier. It is so comfortable and baby is flush up against you so there's no weird pressure points. This specific one also can hold newborns, babies, and toddlers; front facing, inward facing, and on your back. It is easy to adjust, easy to wash, and perfect for every day use. We took this bad boy to Bali and it was the only thing we needed for Ezmé.

7.  Spectra S1 Pump: this pump is rechargeable, light, and really easy to use. It holds its charge for a long time, and has held up really well through our travels and getting banged around. It's also easy to figure out the settings and order new parts when you need them. 

These are the big items that we actually used every day with our nugget. There are a bunch of small items that are super useful to have too like; swaddles, nail clippers, a thermometer, butt cream, baby shampoo, baby mittens, and a soother! All of these things are linked and I am attaching my public amazon list of Baby Must Haves if anyone wants to check out the full shebang.

Just remember that you will get a ton of advice as a new parent, but you know your baby better than anyone. So just keep trying different things and see what works best for you :)

Hope this helps!

BLOGTOBER

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time goes by. Since having Ezmé, it has flown by even faster and I find myself trying so hard to live in the moment because these little humans change and grow so quickly. Every day brings some new challenge or accomplishment for my little chunk!

It is also super easy as a new mom to get a little bit lost in the all consuming world that is caring and loving your new baby. I have definitely struggled with uniting the old and new me since having Ezmé, and one thing that has helped bring me back to a bit of old routine is writing and reading. Keeping my blog up has obviously fallen to the wayside in recent months, but the online community of mamas has played such an integral part in shaping my motherhood journey that it seems appropriate to try to put my journaling back onto the screen.

That is why I have decided to create Blogtober (is that already a thing??) ! 31 days of writing prompts and ideas. 31 blog posts that can be as long or short as you want them to be. If you don't have a blog, you can just write a Facebook or Instagram post! I hope this will help me get back into the swing of doing something for myself (writing) and encourage others to do the same.

I've been working on a list of writing prompts...but if there are any subjects or ideas that ring true to you, and you would like to take this journey with me, feel free to share!! On September 30th I will share the full list of writing prompts...

Let's take a couple of minutes out of the day to reflect and do something for ourselves <3

#motherhoodunplugged #thisgoesouttoallthebabymamas

Bali with Baby

Our first big trip with baby is officially in the books. Bali was absolutely amazing, and surprisingly baby friendly. We couldn’t believe how easy it was to travel with the nugget. Of course, taking trips with a baby adds a bit of extra chaos but as long as you are prepared to change plans at the last second and go with the flow, it is totally doable. James and I actually joked that traveling with Ezmé forced us to slow down and live more in the moment which was a nice change for two people who love to do EVERYTHING when we travel. The biggest tip I have for you if you are planning a trip with a kiddo is: RESPECT THE NAP. We quickly realized that as long as you make time to be somewhere quiet and calm for nap times, baby will be in an overall great mood. It also makes putting them down for the night easier as they won’t be overtired.

Since we were in Bali when Ezmé was 4.5 months old, we discovered that her morning nap was non-negotiable. We would get up early (7:30-8:30) and drive the scooter into Canggu for brunch and make sure we were back to our home base in time for her snooze around 10 or 11. Then we would lounge by the Airbnb pool for an hour or so until she woke up. This allowed us to break the day up into two excursions. Most afternoons we would bike into town and relax on the beach until dinnertime. James even got to go surfing a couple of times and I got to lay out and relax in the sun.

We were super impressed with Canggu so spent almost our whole trip exploring, shopping, and eating our way through the town. Each cafe we went to had wonderful coffee, the restaurants had beautiful & delicious food with TONS of veggie options, and the boutique shopping was to die for (especially for two large Americans who have been living in Japan for a year). I'll leave a list of our favorites at the end of the post!

Two of the days however, we decided to throw caution to the wind and forego nap time in order to get out and explore a bit more of the island. One day we hired a wonderful driver for the day to take us on a tour of some of the lesser known temples and landmarks. We even got to take place in a buddhist blessing which was a fun experience. Driving through the countryside was also quite a treat (when Ezmé wasn't losing her shit) because we got to see all of the lush greenery outside the town limits. She did a decent job napping in the car as we drove from place to place but I was glad we got home by six in order to put her down for the night because she was definitely done sitting in a car. Also, as far as cars are concerned, we chose not to bring a car seat and simply held her the whole time. When we were on the motorbike, I rode behind James and wore her (we went like 15 mph, and saw other parents doing the same so please, no comments about child safety, in this part of the world everyone rides on a scooter and is fine.)

Another day we drove into Ubud for the day to see the Monkey Forest. It was well worth the drive even though we only stayed for a couple of hours and then headed home. Ubud was really touristy, but we still enjoyed it and would love to go back and explore a bit more. It had an almost mountain-y feel to it.

Overall, I'm really pleased that we chose Bali as our first post baby trip. The large differentiation of travelers, locals, and expats provided a very diverse cultural experience that we loved. The scenery, food, and shopping was great. And we enjoyed the slow, beachy pace of life there. We definitely feel like we only scratched the surface and plan on returning to Bali for at least one more trip before heading back to America!

So, if you have a small baby and feel like travel is out of the question, don't write it off just yet. Is it different than traveling alone? Yes. Are some things harder than before? Duh. But, your life doesn't have to stop after having a kid, and the sooner you get them used to traveling, the better they will be at it! So rip the band aid off and go for it!

Final Thoughts...

Favorite Restaurants:
The Betelnut Cafe (recommended by The Luxe Travelers)
The Lawn (swanky but still kid friendly)
Milk & Madu (super kid friendly with amazing coffee and food)
Parachute (they had chickens and a huge garden out back to explore)
Old Mans (great mahi burger, and right next to the beach)

Extra Tips:
Bring a stroller...we chose not to and got pretty tired of carrying/wearing the nugget
Bring a baby carrier...this was absolutely clutch for riding a motorbike, exploring temples etc
Bring a water bottle that you can refill and chug it all day
Liquor is expensive so be prepared for that
Grab (the car app) doesn't work everywhere, and sometimes taxis are few and far between
Make sure your Airbnb has baby amenities (we forgot to make sure it had a tub...)
Plan around baby's nap time/ bed time
Always bring extra diapers and a change of clothes in case of blow outs #yikes

Happy traveling!

Three Words

Y'all.
It is 2019.
In fact, it's been 2019 for almost an entire month.
My only resolutions so far consist of 3 words: BREATHE, GRATITUDE, & LOVE.

I want to remember to breathe through the tough times and find peace in knowing that every challenge is a lesson. To always be able to come back to center when I feel out of control or less than, especially with this new role of motherhood.

I want to to be grateful for each moment. To keep in mind how lucky we are to have this life, our health, our support system, and each other. I want to find tiny moments throughout the day where, even when things seem ridiculously hard, I can come back and list all of the beautiful things that I am grateful for.

And love. I want to spread more love and happiness and life into every situation I find myself in. I want to be a better version of myself and never leave a space untouched by positivity. I want to gossip less, judge less, and create an environment that I am proud for our daughter to grow up in.

With so much chaos and change and upheaval going on in the world and each of our lives individually, it is more important than ever to remember what is truly meaningful. How we treat others, our words, the way we handle that moment before we react, seeing the light in everyone, respecting our planet and all living things on it, standing up for what is right even (especially) when it is uncomfortable or hard, walking the walk.

Being human is complicated, but its also incredibly simple when you are able to come back to your center and rediscover what truly matters. Its easy to see how much our similarities outweigh our differences when we cut away all of the bullshit.

So, for this year, I am not focussing on things like; getting my pre-baby body back, or completing my 500 hr yoga course, or making a certain amount of income. I am simplifying, working from the inside out, and growing everything from a place of light and love.

I hope you all have had a wonderful start to this new year and I can't wait to see what the next turn around the sun has in store for all of us! Sending everyone lots of hugs from Okinawa!