Guest Blogger!! @nardawgg #itsthelittlethings #liveauthentic #howdarling #wherefeathersfall #blog #blogger Check bio for link.

A little over a year ago I graduated from the United States Merchant Marine Academy. Along with my bachelors degree I received a commission in the United States Navy Reserve and a Unlimited Tonnage Third Mates license.  For all you landlubbers (non-sailors), this means I'm an Officer in the Navy and the Coast Guard thinks I can stand a watch on any vessel, regardless of her size.  It was a tough, unemployed journey but this past May I finally got a job!!! The schedule is not the best but it beats spending 3 months away from my sweet husband! I'm working for a tug and barge company but because my education focused on larger vessels, I need a little more training before I can stand my own watch. 

But the road to my own watch is a long one and the first phase requires me to be a deck hand for a couple of months. I need to learn how to do all the things that I'll be asking others to do one day. I just didn't realize just how much cleaning, scrubbing and wiping this entailed. It was an experience that could humble me or break me.

I deserve better. Those words echoed in my head. Screaming at me! Causing boiling and angry outbursts. I'm educated! I'm licensed! Why am I scrubbing floors?! Why am I covered in dirt and grime?! I deserve better. 

This elevated sense of hubris was poisoning my mind, relationships and health. My relationships with the men I worked with were strained, my husband and I couldn't seem to express our love for each other, my body was freaking out, and I was so unhappy. 

I blamed it on everything but the real problem. I blamed it on K. I blamed it on health issues. I blamed it on the people I worked with. I blamed it on the work. When I had exhausted every source of blame and come up empty, I realized that it was me. 

I had this sense of pride that convinced me that I deserved more than what I was getting.  I wasn't being treated like the officer I was. My stultifying experience at Kings Point wasn't being recognized. 

But then I realized how ungrateful I was being! Perhaps this is below my pay grade. But pride is poison. Humility is life. So scrubbing floors isn't life or death, but it is important to the health and function of this boat. Ending every work day dirty and tired can be demeaning but only if I let it be. It can be empowering. 

I have two choices. 

I can be angry that life has handed me a job that feels beneath me. I can let every task poison me from within. I can resent the men I work with. I can let my husband down every day. 

Or I can be humble and find peace in my work. I can choose to find reward in each simple job. I can appreciate every drop of sweat. I can give my body the credit it deserves for being such a damn badass. I can build a community on this boat. I can be a source of love and shelter. My marriage's cup can runneth over. 

The choice seems so obvious. 

I choose the latter. I choose peace. I choose humility. I choose love. 

https://waterwonderwife.wordpress.com/